She Beckons .....

The storm outside and within me yell
My child wants me her story to tell
A tale of how I was pushed through hell
Before they ruthlessly rung her death bell
The storm within me gradually peaks
Someone deep within screams and shrieks
Is that my child or her dead mother in me
I search deep within struggling to see
Looming dark sky reflects my gloom
Watching as my numb pain I exhume
I remember how she had been a part of me
Why couldn’t that way they just let us be
My pleas he pretended not to hear
She would be a burden – was his fear
That day I was not allowed to mourn
My bereavement I had silently borne
But today she knows her mom is free
To shed tears each night in her memory
Even in slumber I just dream of her
Her memories cloud with wondrous force
Along comes my lingering remorse
That day she was too weak to fight
Why hadn’t I fought with all my might
Suffocated by my pain - the sky pours out in rain
She smiles from the clouds - beckons again

Rumination

Lost one of my kids -Atish, yesterday. The pain is intense.....the feeling of helplessness, loss,failure...frustration....and a lot of questions raising a storm within...

Why are you suddenly gone
Were you feeling so very lone
Was the path coarse and rough
Or just that the going got tough
Searing the pain must have been
Yet they say you appeared serene
Why one of us you did not seek
Or let your fears never speak
Were you angry with someone
Or found life bereft of all fun
Why were you in such haste
That you let life go in waste
What pushed you, we wonder
A question for us to ponder
Now all that we can ever do
Think of where we failed you