Life's eccentricity

The story began with a simple I
I believed I would find someone - my
It was my naiveté that didn’t let me see
How difficult it is to end as true ‘we’
I believed dreams always came true
And each ‘I’ always ends up with ‘you’
For years that was how I thought
So this silly heart of mine sought
A ‘you’ to fulfill my simple dreams
To help me cross life’s eternal stream
In my heart I wished to just fly
And reach the ‘you and me’ sky
But my ‘I’ never became ‘we’
My dream was not meant to be reality
‘I’ just remained with ‘me’
The void deep within no one to see
Alone on life’s crossroads I stand
Working hard to understand
Sometimes I look back and just ponder
Was I not good enough- I wonder
Or maybe life had whispered to say
You are special- walk a different way
Goading me to find a life of my own
Which as ‘we’ I might ever never known
I let this thought linger awhile
As in the mirror to myself I smile
I think -
Life might have flown in its own pace
Yet allowed me my own sweet space
It has tried giving me my very best
With a generous sprinkling of conquests
What if it didn’t give ‘me’ my ‘we’
Like a friend it helped me find ‘my’ identity

Soaring Spirits

My life nothing but a realm of my dreams
Bound in my heart, a free flowing stream
Mountains or ravines –whatever the terrain
Fear is something I feel no need to feign
Circumstances hell bent tries to bind me
Nothing to worry as my spirit soars free
Might have thought me as one of the weaker
Knowing not that each day makes me stronger
Don’t tell me that road is not meant for thee
The dream in my eyes you may fail to see
Promises to myself each morning I do make
And to fulfill them all my might, I just stake
Can’t wait for dame luck make my dreams true
So my own rainbow I fill with life’s diverse hue
Can any lexicon ever express my feelings within
Yet, umpteen times I pen, crush & toss in the bin

My Eden

In the quest for my own identity
I look at all choices and responsibility
The foremost one is to find a home
Finding a home is not just mirth
It gives a wonderful sense of worth
Soul searching questions it entails
To ensure that happiness prevails
Not the one where I have grown
But one which I will feel my own
With the seeds of belonging sown
There I hope never to feel forlorn
Not just any four walled place
But one that allows me my space
Through the brush of my unique touch
It will allow me to express so much
From a structure it will become a home
Holding the warmth of mother’s womb
Walled each side, yet an open highway
Waiting to show its own magical ways
Having answered all my questions
I embark on my search for home
In my search along with my father, I find
The one who carried me in her womb
With them beside me in my quest
Not once did I feel a wee bit queasy
Their presence made, finding a home so easy
Now I just need to give it my special touch
A couch here with a tall corner lamp
Some chairs there with a welcome coffee table
A dream framed in a picture on the opposite wall
Maybe a sprinkle of greens in pots and vases
Will add the aroma of hope and love to the huge hall
Truly then my Eden – that’s what my home I will call

My Eden

In the quest for my own identity
I look at all choices and responsibility
The foremost one is to find a home
Finding a home is not just mirth
It gives a wonderful sense of worth
Soul searching questions it entails
To ensure that happiness prevails
Not the one where I have grown
But one which I will feel my own
With the seeds of belonging sown
There I hope never to feel forlorn
Not just any four walled place
But one that allows me my space
Through the brush of my unique touch
It will allow me to express so much
From a structure it will become a home
Holding the warmth of mother’s womb
Walled each side, yet an open highway
Waiting to show its own magical ways
Having answered all my questions
I embark on my search for home
In my search along with my father, I find
The one who carried me in her womb
With them beside me in my quest
Not once did I feel a wee bit queasy
Their presence made, finding a home so easy
Now I just need to give it my special touch
A couch here with a tall corner lamp
Some chairs there with a welcome coffee table
A dream framed in a picture on the opposite wall
Maybe a sprinkle of greens in pots and vases
Will add the aroma of hope and love to the huge hall
Truly then my Eden – that’s what my home I will call

Relocation

Looking at the cartons around
surfaces a fear - profound
So much to be done, yet lying forlorn
I know what I should, what is good
Gradually - brews a storm in my mind
But words - just don’t take any form
Poor mind, not one to shirk, goads to work
Lethargy pervades - again I evade
Trying to save moments, my heart laments
For the lazy days, simply wasted away
Some crept or just went, emotions held or spent
Instead it should think of life and all my past strife
Why jump, pine, scream or lie supine
When it is no use to cry or whine
A feeling takes over, before I ruminate any more
End will come - no matter what I may
Knowing that I do not have any say
So why not ensure to give my best
Leaving him up there to do the rest
Seeing my quandary - past wins smile
I sit and play with them a while
Rejuvenated - I pull the nearest carton
Deep within- once again I have won

To MA.....because of you I AM

I kicked deep within you
Feeling the tenderness of your touch
As you gently ran your hand
Assuring me of your protective presence
Since then you have been there
You being the silent kind ,your smile spoke instead
I took my first steps….the second, third…..
While you waited - to hold me
Before I stumbled or fell
Many a morning comfort you had to sacrifice
To kiss me awake & see off to school
Love is a warm feeling they say
True – your love taught me
The warmth of the freshly ironed school uniform
I found waiting on winter mornings
The juice glasses though cooling
There memory keeps me warm till this day
The sandwiches on the breakfast table
were oh, so warm !
The much hated glasses of milk
That heralded the evenings
Never failed to retain their warmth
I prayed to God each day -morning, evenings & night
“Oh lord almighty, make everything go right”
Now I know the prayers were not unfounded
Much before my prayers had started
He had heard them & sent you
Darkness scared me, so did shadows
But the fears went away as you became my shadow
Never leaving me alone, yet you let me grow
Sharing your experiences
While letting me learn & collect my own
Today a mother myself - I realize
All that you have been through
Once I look back & find
You standing with a smile just behind
A child I will remain to thee
& that is the way I want it to be

Ripple of life

Eyes fixed on the ripple
as the stone lands
My impish mind smiles
On the power of my hand

A new high
takes me over
I pick up my dreams
My eyes to cover

Temptations rain
Ignorance I feign
I don’t want plenty
My kitty nor full neither empty

My mind reminds me
Of all my crying needs
I wait for a moment
Should I them heed

Needs will remain
However much I fulfill
Desires wait at the corner
Ready for the kill

I hear a voice within
Don’t let them lead you
It rises into a din
Awakening me anew

Leaving all dilemma behind
I move ahead with my decision
Hoping on my way to find
Life’s true reasons …..

There Surely is Light

Wonder why life fails to treat me like the rest
Still, I promise to give it my very best
knowing me as one not to give up or walk away
Why it asks me to pass a new test each day

How do I motivate myself for tomorrow
For that from where do some joy I borrow
I know I have to give my life a new meaning
Someone tell me how I escape the hurt feelings

Sure I have to give life to my dreams
But how do I cross the raging streams
The doubts within me I wave aside
Knowing that I am strong & capable of
swimming against the tide

With this simple knowledge, adversities I fight
At the end of each tunnel, there surely is light
So Lord, allow just this from you to borrow
A little motivation to keep me fighting till
I reach that new bright tomorrow !

Silent Cry

My morning begins
Thinking of my life
A sigh reaches out
One more day of strife

I put on my mask
Do I appear bold
No one around knows
I am scared and cold

Things seem so different
when in retrospective
I simply smile to myself
On others perspective

Time is fading away
So I cling to my memory
Motivating myself
With every possible story

I struggle to see the sunshine
When all I see is so blue
Everyone says life will get better
I hope what they say is true

Life doesn’t wish me in its life
Nor am wanted in its heart
Some pain troubled me today
Is that my heart which hurts

I call you right away
Is that you who speak
or some strangers voice
You sternly remind me
That now I am just a noise

I lose once again
My soul cries with pain
I've got nothing to lose
I've got nothing to gain

What is life we ask

Life may be harsh & cold
Or a beautiful dream to behold
While we plan of life ahead
Death may be lurking behind

None knows what’s there in life’s cup
As it has its own downs & ups
This moment it may lift us to the top
And then very next drop us down

We don’t know from life what to hope
Just that it has its own treasure trove
Sometimes to treat us with respect
Or just shower us with contempt

First life gets us all confused
And then smiles seeing us bemused
We keep looking for answers
Shuffling between our joy and fears

This is the answer I found for me
Is it yours you may test and see
Life is an uncompleted task
One we must complete
Before our end we meet

Fear & the extra mile

I almost had a brush with death (quoting the Doc's words) & must say that it was a real scary experience......one which makes me love life more. Through this poem I share my fears ....the helplessness......my thoughts ...then & now ..... :-)

With each passing cloud
I feel my life flow out
Is it reality or just me
Trapped in some shroud

I feel nothing
A trance all pervading
Darkness all around
Lurking thirsty hounds

Alone I fight the mist
Struggling to cross the ocean
Determined-I clench my fist
My life won’t go in vein

Then the sound of the closing doors
Or maybe my life swish pass by
Willing to shut the fear out
The tears well out of my empty eyes

I feel myself a shadow
A faintness of what I used to be
I shrink away from the shroud
Or from the darkness all around

I wonder if I was gone that day
Would I linger in your memory
Someone you might miss forever
or a feeling that would flow away

I sit and think of that moment
when I saw death smile
One that will always force me
to walk that extra mile.

Bleeding Tears

I know the pain of stifled cries
The heart gets broken
while the eyes cry
Do they reflect hidden fears
Or is it the hurt
...which flow as tears
Am I capable of the same
Do I suffocate - is that my terrain
Now I feel suffocated - say that again !

Family

It's been years for me of solitude.
Years of being alone- yet not so alone
Just the way they have embraced me
Every time they found me forlorn.
Their whiteness smilingly telling me
Of the hope that had not yet gone.
If only these walls could speak their heart -
Perhaps they would call me their own !

My son - my father

Son - a magical word

that always brings a smile

as it opens vaults of fond moments

which linger in my mind

Memories- only the happy kind

Keeps me warm through the winters

And makes the summers divine

Thoughts of you bring back the years

When you held my fingers

And we learnt to walk together

Of the dreams we shared on the terrace

with our secret talks

One moment you were my son

Next my bosom friend

Before I could bat an eyelid

Found you as my teacher

Guiding me through the paths of life

Help me cope with anger & strife

A son you remained for just a while

Then turned into a father

Charming with that naughty smile

May you remain so forever

I fly again

What junction of life this is
frozen like a window sill
not able to do anything but watch
As everything goes downhill

one moment I was on cloud nine
everything felt oh just so very fine
What I saw was a new beginning
My lonely life taking a new meaning

I tried to find new wings
Looked around to find some twigs
To build a nest- my very own
Where my heart once again could sing

Lurking in the shadows was a storm
To wipe away my dreams before
they took life's form
I wandered looking for the broken pieces

But no, I will not give up
I am not willing for more pain
I will not lead a life mundane
I look at the sky & smile
He responds with this rain

Once again I take control
And start the climb uphill
My life I am going to lead
My dreams I will not let anyone kill :-)

I want once again my story to begin
I want to dream again,
Live life to cover unknown terrains
Never to drown in despair once again
I want to swim to the distant shore
Or to roll in the sky azure
Winged with love, I will fly in the clouds
Don't give me a reason to refrain
Just know -I don't wish for any more pain
Cause all your efforts will go into vain
I am free & alive again

Desire

The desire
to be alive
keeps knocking
within me
Pushes me
to live a life
bereft of bondings –
free

It glares at me
each night
as I prepare to sleep
I pretend
to look the other way
While it sits
in my mind’s corner
and begins to weep

Filled with guilt
I cajole
again -
it speaks to me
Of the un-tread
paths of life
it wants me to take
Of journeys
that leaders took
which
we read in books

I pull my sheet &
whisper my wish
The wish to quietly
sleep
Knowing well
that deep within
It is now my turn
to weep
Weep for the dreams
which I lost
Because of sleepless nights
For being content
leading a life
of endless- struggle & strife

Undeterred -
it pulls back the sheet
and whispers
softly in my ear -
oh , why do you wish to weep
while there’s so much to do...

Weave new dreams
to make them true
Paint them all
in life’s
wondrous hues

Now
I don’t wish to sleep
wish to be life’s
best friend
Not read of journeys
or dream of them
But take the untrodden paths
Not content
just living life
But to dream &
be Alive !

We women are like teabags.
We don't know our true strength
until we are in hot water!

Seeing no other way
to make life better for ourselves ,
We try to change things,
It may make us alone & lonely,
but then we know…

Good things always come for a price ……
The shackles of slavery and oppression are hard to bear
But freedom leaves us to the world like an open wound
Unprotected ….prone to attacks…. to bleed to death

The former make us bear the onslaught of one on one,
But freedom pits us against all the evils of the world
Tired…….so many amongst us do surrender
Even moments before the battle could have been won….

But that’s not us….
We won't give up the fight
Even if we get tired…..we’ll continue with dignity…..
Think of the generations to follow
And make the world a better place for them……

HAPPY WOMEN’S DAY !